WHO SAYS YOU CAN’T GO HOME
a Hollywood actor returns to his garden state roots to plant new seeds
Once upon a time on the Jersey Shore, there lived a boy named Brian Gaskill. In the year 1988 he graduated from Neptune High School…But also from the Performing Arts Program at Red Bank Regional High School. Upon graduation he departed on what has become, so far, a twenty three year journey into a life and career of the highest highs and lowest lows (contract roles on numerous TV shows…Models Inc, All My Children, Port Charles, etc…and many years of unemployment and odd jobs in a career where there is just not enough room for everyone). “The Arts”, after all, could never be a stable way to lead a life. Yet now, in 2011, when looking at the job opportunities that surround us in America and the world…what is stable? What is enough?
Well I am, in fact, Brian Gaskill. As I write this I sit in my father’s house in New Jersey reflecting on my life so far, and where it all began. In my mother’s womb I suppose, but who remembers that? The “womb” I remember is the stage. And when I say that, I don’t mean the proverbial “stage” that could be represented by any one of them, but one in particular.
Every school day, for three years, in the 80’s, I was bussed to that dream of a place where I was in essence, born…where I came alive, looked around, spoke my first words, and proclaimed, “I am home!” The Stage at Red Bank Regional High School, in the early years of the Performing Arts Program was that place.
On January 13th and 14th, and 17th, 2011, almost twenty three years after graduation, I was blessed to be able to return to that stage. Return “home”, and share with a new generation what may await them in the world. But, more importantly to work with them, and lead them to at least the first steps of opening up the truth inside them, so they can begin to have the courage to face the world as their real selves and not behind a mask that was created for them by society, family, friends…and even themselves.
As I walked into the school that day, and signed in for the familiar face of a hall monitor that was still there after all this time, I was still considering what I was going to do and say when I got to class. When you “act”, you take in the person across from you and “re-act” right? It’s no different than life I suppose, and I felt, no different than teaching. I had to wait until that moment when I was standing across from the students where I could look them in the eyes and see how I was going to “re-act”. The only thing I knew for sure is that I wanted to focus on BEING REAL. It was my title I guess…a title for the few days I was going to spend with them…a jumping off point…and where would it lead?
It was half way through the year, and as I looked in their eyes I thought now would be a good time to re-connect with the passions that led them here to begin with.
“So how many of you know now you want to do this for the rest of your life?” Many hands rose. It seemed this for them was not some “way to pass the time”, but a gut reaction to their own life. They had entered a path to a new way of living, and in their eyes I could see there was no turning back. A look I was well familiar with. So I began with the good old truth (sticking to my theme of “being real”) of just how hard it is. This is easily illustrated by my own life and career. This profession is one that most will never succeed at, and not necessarily because of any lack of talent. There is just not enough room for everyone. Most would look at my resume and believe I have had a successful career, and indeed I have. Yet, I am not a household name and some years I have struggled the same as anyone of the thousands being laid off every day. Watch TV nowadays and you might be under the impression you can point a camera at yourself, call it reality TV, and you too will be a star. This of course is not the case. Yes it can happen, but the other 99% of the time, you will not only struggle, but lose who you are, unless you stay true to a path of always checking in with yourself and reminding yourself who you really are, and why you do what you do.
So It began. One by one the students stood before the class, and after leading them through a quick relaxation, and reassuring them that this stage that they stood on was a safe place to open up, they embarked on a sort of improvised monologue directed to someone who they imagined in front of them who might need to hear and understand what they were going to share. “this is why I love this “acting thing””…”this is why I do what I do”…”I can never stop, because this is what I want”…”this is who I am”…and so on. In most instances the students shocked themselves by discovering emotions behind these words that they didn’t know were there. I got to be witness to passions being discovered and re-discovered. And little did they know I was in fact discovering and re-discovering my own passions and dreams. It became a symbiotic relationship. I needed them as much as they needed me. It was pure theater, and also pure life. Because as I see it; theater, drama, comedy, the arts…all of it is LIFE.
For the next two days we continued our journey into this jumping off point; a point where we all began again to reach an understanding of who we are and why we do what we do. Because as I told them, most people will walk the world blind as other people tell them how and where to walk, because that is the safer way to travel. And one day, later in life, they will wake to see someone in the mirror that they don’t know, because they didn’t get to know that person sooner.
I remember, in high-school, I was always told that algebra was important to my mind and how I approach “problem-solving” in my life. I have to submit to anyone reading this that The Arts, and the exploration of your self through them at an early age, is JUST as important as any other class in school. This exploration is never a fruitless path. The reason is that even if you are not in the 5 percent of those trying, that is able to make it a full-time career, it will connect you to who you really are in this world, and give you the courage to stand tall.
Life can be a bumpy ride, and there is no getting around it. Even those of us who did do this work early on, get lost sometimes. But, just like with anything else, if you plant these seeds early and let your roots take hold, there will always be a place to return to, and remember, and start again…
I closed the first day by telling them, “even after doing all this work, eventually even you might wake up one day and need to remember who you are…who you really are deep inside…what do you have to offer?… and so on. And at that point you too may return to the stage you once called home and find yourself again.”
“So what are we going to do tomorrow?”
“Write a letter to someone, communicating something you feel passionate about…something maybe you haven’t said before”
The bell rang and off they ran, having no idea of the mountains they would climb tomorrow. I guess I didn’t know either…but I couldn’t wait to find out.
Oh yes, the original question…In this economy what is stable? What is enough? I think the only way to find what is stable is to find yourself, follow your heart, and know that YOU ARE ENOUGH, no matter what anyone says….and the path to this deeper understanding is only through the arts…so go explore.
