I woke up this morning thinking about the new year coming. Two thousand and fourteen. On the first of that new year, 31 days from now (including today), I may make some resolutions. I will resolve to do things differently, and proclaim that 2014 will be THE year when everything changes for the better.
And then, a few weeks after that I will lose my footing, and start to realize that it's the same as any other year...and my hopes and desires are unfounded, besides the vague possibility of luck striking.
So the new year has become trite...a pointless habit...a meaningless ritual, to give me a momentary feeling of things changing and moving forward...just enough to keep me going, but not enough for any real change.
The other day I saw the new Disney animated sure fire blockbuster...FROZEN. Back in the year 1975, or thereabouts, I fell in love with THE DISNEY DREAM..."when you wish upon a star" and all that. I even wanted to be an animator for them, which I guess was probably my first thoughts of wanting to be in "the biz". From that day on I believed In fairy tales. I could fly. I could dream my way to enchanted kingdoms. I could someday find a love that would last forever. The thing is, I believed so much and so long, that I didn't even notice when I stopped believing...when it all became only stories, and not reality that was possible. When did it become stories that bring tears to my eyes because I am looking back on a faith forgotten, and feeling a longing for something that isn't really possible at all, besides in the escape of watching a movie? And then I saw FROZEN with my eight year old daughter and, like movies tend to do every so often, it woke me up for a moment...a lucid moment of remembering what it feels like to believe that amazing things are not only possible, but probable, and maybe even what was always intended in my life...(and in yours)
And maybe on new year's day this year I will promise to have FAITH again...and everything will change. I looked forward to that for the rest of the day, and then my daughter crumbled because, like me, her mood changes depending on her level of hunger...and she's so stubborn (like me too i suppose); refusing to admit the reason we were butting heads until getting some food down her gullet and then apologizing. I didn't notice until the next day that I had pretty much forgotten about my magical quest to change my life on new year's day 2014.
So now I have 31 days to wait until the new year...until my magical quest will begin. I must prepare. I must...wait a minute. No, I mean I don't have to wait a minute...I'm just saying "hold on a second"...Why am I waiting till January first? that's what I have done every year for as long as I can remember...and no change...I am liar. I have lied to myself for years..maybe decades even. I believe in my dreams, but I only see them as dreams...as ghosts...ghosts that comfort me and are very real..but not real enough, or solid enough, to change my life. So I'm going to do something different...
for the next 31 days...31 days before I would normally resolve to change the way I do things...I am going to everyday make a move in some subtle way...or huge way (depending) ...to believe again...to have faith again...to stop being jaded...to forget what bitterness is...to refuse to make another excuse based on how life has beaten me down, and that's just the way life is...that's what life is meant to do...right?
Disney is a huge corporation, and In Hollywood they are sometimes known for being cheap...They are the bad guys....part of the evil empire, and so on...why would I let myself be inspired by them? It's all a lie...But no it's not...."a dream is a wish your heart makes" is the most real thing that is out there...and damning big business and using it as an excuse to stop believing in what my heart told me when I was only five years old is cutting off my nose to spite my face and all that...basically flat out stupid. I want to believe again...and it starts now...
Today I am releasing a poetry spoken word album on CDbaby.com called "giving up time travel for the rain" ...over all I guess it's about trying to give up the past ...and give up ideas of the future...and live in the moment...live right now..believe right now...and then and only then will maybe things change in your future...my future..cliche... but so cliche, that we all think we believe it and understand it to be true...if ony we really believed...if only we could really do it...
Well today in celebration of the album coming out, I will begin to try ...and document each day on here...for the next 31 days....
My new year starts today....and I don't want to be FROZEN anymore.... see you tomorrow.
and look for "giving up time travel for the rain" on www.cdbaby.com
