MIDNIGHT IN PARIS and other thoughts on time travel (31 days of faith...day 9)

    

     So the title of this Blog page is "giving up time travel for the rain".  It is also the title of my new spoken word poetry album that you can find on CDBABY.COM (yes, shameless plug).  But here's the thing... sometimes I don't want to give it up.  Though that is meant to be the other meaning in the title...to imply that it is in fact, a struggle at times. 

     For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about...One day a few years ago, this phrase or title popped into my head...a friend said it was a cool title..though at the time I didn't even know what it meant... Then eventually I used it to title this blog....still not being sure what I meant by it...I really just liked the way it sounded.  Then months later I saw a movie that, with the help of a few glasses of chardonnay and a bowl of popcorn, made my eyes wet for almost the whole duration of watching it...There was a longing in me to vanish to another time, like the hero of the movie did....to ESCAPE...to get away to something that maybe made more sense then whatever the present moment could offer.  It was called MIDNIGHT IN PARIS.   The crazy part was the end of the film...once the hero is at peace, with himself and the time he is living in, it starts to rain...and he walks in it with no umbrella...and soaks up the moment....truly living in the present tense....

     Then it started to all make sense.   This title became my mantra.  I was going to enter a journey to leave behind the fantasy of escape...and enter into the reality of the moment.  Sounds easy enough.  The thing is, it wasn't easy.  Not only was it not easy, but I discovered it was not even exactly what I wanted or meant...or even what was needed.  

     Then I started to realize, time travel is sort of possible...and we all do it....we live in the past.  We relive moments we regret over and over again. We relive them so often, that it is like we are there again.  In fact, there is a thing in acting technique called "sense-memory".  Actors can actually relive times from their past through their senses so they can act out a particular moment.  I mean your body remembers so much that you can actually feel like you are back at that time.  I think we all do this everyday.  I do.  Science says our whole body regenerates every seven years.  We should let that body go..let that "self" go...stop "time traveling"....

     And time-traveling isn't just to the past...It also can send you into the future...and don't we all do that?  And we can even be tricked into thinking it's a good thing.   It's good because we are imagining an amazing future...a future that HAS to be better than today.   We live in expectation of tomorrow.  Meanwhile, today is standing there with arms wide open, and we miss the whole thing. 

     So now this title that popped into my head one day, because I have always loved time travel movies of all sorts, started to carry so much more meaning and weight for me.  I have so many regrets of my past.  But now I see not only am I not defined by my past, but my past has amazing things in it too...amazing things I choose to ignore because of pain and regret and fear.  But either way it is the past...and I don't live there anymore.  

     And then there is the future.   One day I am light as a feather because hope overtakes me, and tells me that everything is going to be ok.  Then the next day I am faltering because I realize that there is no way in hell anything is ever going to work out.  Then the next day I sit down to my computer and write this blog entry and force myself to study that whole concept, and see that none of it is real.   I was the master of everything I was feeling.  And though if i could, I would choose light over dark...I also see that both can be misleading, as both are unreal.  It's tomorrow...it's not here yet... I believe we should choose to have faith in the good that can occur...but My goal is to have faith and then just trust...Trust in tomorrow...so I can LIVE in today.  

     So now that I have that all figured out...I have to tell you a secret...it's very important.

     Since I have clarified my goal and the definition I have given to "time-travel", I am forced to reconcile with a passion that I mentioned in the beginning that I will not give up....what i speak of is ESCAPE.

     I still need ESCAPE.  and that's ok.   In fact I can even take it a step further.   I think living in the past and future and not living in the moment, has actually hindered my ability to ESCAPE.  As a creative, or SO-CALLED creative person, this has been a huge and ironic detriment.   You can't really escape, unless you are living in the moment.  Whether it's fantasy or real, the only thing that can exist, can only exist right now in this moment. 

     what would happen if we let go of everything we thought we were...everything we thought we could be...and then accepted everything we are...right now....

     Yesterday I took a trip to downtown los angeles.  It was section of the city that made me feel like I traveled thousands of miles away within minutes...and a whole other life was being lived by me in the few hours I was there....I think that kind of escape is ok and needed sometimes...I will tell you more about that trip later...

     In the meantime... here's to today

here is the link to my album that now through the holidays can be downloaded for only 5.99

http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/briangaskill2