in a movie

the last thing she said to him
was, "what do you believe in?
seems like nothing...
movies?
all you believe in is movies."
having no answer
he walked out the door
and step by step made his way
through a neighborhood where no one seemed to walk.
front porches full of crosses and american pride
and dogs running free...chasing his feet.
he wanted to defend himself, and tried
and yelled "i do believe in something"
but after that there was no explanation
that he could think of or that he wanted to say outloud...
he walked past barns falling apart and tall grass left behind
by families who were done caring.
who were tired of the neighbor's hope that johnny
would soon come home from his third tour.
who sat there on the front porch like ghosts from 1954
that once waved and smiled but now were done and seemed to
adopt the dogs reasoning of survival in lieu of a heaven
they were no longer sure of
except on sundays when they were forced to pretend.
then he sat by a creek after walking as far as he could
without getting lost in this place that was not his home
in this place that he has only seen
in a hundred movies
that were quaint and lovely
and even some of his favorite
but my god, he would never live there...
how did it happen...
he threw rocks and tried to make wishes
and tried to pray
and tried to conjure spirits
and tell the future
or the past...of a minnow swimming by
he tried to manifest a positive tomorrow
he tried...
then he took off his grass stained holy sneakers
rolled up his broken jeans
and placed his feet in the cold creek
to see what it would be like if he had grown up there
and this was home...
then a camera on a crane
slowly made it's way from high
to a profile of a man
that is only seconds from giving up...
his holy ghost watching him
and wondering if this subject understands
the laws of story and structure
and that this shot is only two acts in,
and the third act is when it really gets good.
he didn't know why...
but he began to wish he smoked.
just for a moment...
because it was needed.
because though he dosen't smoke,
it just looks fucking cool in a movie...